Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
