I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
