I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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