Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
