I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
