dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
