You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize