roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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