is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize