My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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