Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
