I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Too much gin, very little bucket
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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