At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
