Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize