can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
