That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
