I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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