can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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