I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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