shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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