wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
