Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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