And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
