What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
