i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
