I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My hand turned me down
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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