Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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