what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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