Me. At least after what I've been through.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
being pregnant is like rehab
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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