My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
