i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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