College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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