she was so not down for the gang bang
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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