doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
