i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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