just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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