meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
there is glitter all over my balls
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