It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
