Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
