u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
