I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
