One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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