Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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