well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
