She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
