i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
