she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize