Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
