Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
