i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
