Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
