I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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