just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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