just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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