I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
