She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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