im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
