i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
