My underwear smells like fireworks.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
