I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
