She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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