When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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