i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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