You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
