so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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