Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
