My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
