My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
