He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is the high leading the old right now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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