I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
