I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
