hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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