I'm gonna have a badass scar
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
