Your mouth is God's brothel.
just tell him i said nine months
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
