He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
