I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
