And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
