Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
