so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
