Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
