I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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