God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
