Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize