i wish there were pregnant emoticons
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
