how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
