I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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