It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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