You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are we still banned from the library?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
