someone threw a dead crab at me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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