So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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