Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
